his timing

As I enter into a new year (2013, what??), I'm so thankful for the life God has given me.  I have a family that loves me so much, amazing friends that are now scattered across the country, a wonderful job, a lovely home, etc, etc.  A few nights ago I was reading old online journals of mine with a friend and they were hysterical.  Pretty amazing to see how different a person I am now then I was when I was 15 (thank you Jesus).  But they also made me kind of sad, because a certain theme seemed to continue to recur, and that was the fact that I was single and I wasn't happy about it.  And I have to say that 10 years later I still find myself not content in my singleness.  Over the years it has brought bitterness and resentment and many a time the devil has used it as a foothold to bring me down.  If you know me, you know I joke about me being single a lot.  And about how I'm going to become a crazy cat lady in a few years.

This is so me.

My future cat lady car.

And I'll totally be buying this.

And I am kidding when I say these things, but maybe I believe it a little bit too.  For someone who is VERY impatient, it's pretty wonderful how much patience God has had with me.  He repeatedly shows me how much he loves me in big ways, and I continue to doubt that He knows what he is doing.  May be subconsciously, because by my thoughts I am screaming that I know better and it's time I took things into my own hands.  But I really have been shown this past year that God knows much better than I do.  I may think I know what I want and I may think that's what is best for me, but I have no idea.  And for whatever reason, the circumstances of my life are exactly as they should be right now.  And I look forward to the day when I can look back and say I totally get it now, I understand why you've left me waiting.  And it's gonna be real good.  Until then, I am going to start seeing my singleness as a blessing.  This is my time to be selfish, I have no one else depending on me :) I can focus on learning so I can become the best doctor I can be, I can focus on my relationship with Christ, I can focus on loving others.  And yeah, I can come home after a long tiring day and sit on my couch and not move for a couple hours and then I can go to sleep, that is for sure a gift.  So hopefully someone reading this can relate.  Whatever you're waiting on, He feels you and knows exactly what you're going through but He knows you have to grow before he can give it to you, or maybe he's just got something totally different and way more awesome in mind.  It's exciting right?          

Jesus, make me more like this...

And help me to remember this...

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding:
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Romans 15:13

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.