oh the craziness

I just finished watching the ESPN special on the Auburn/Alabama rivalry. It was more depressing than interesting for me... it was a harsh reminder of what people are willing to do or say for the football team they love. I should have counted the number of times the word HATE was used. We were compared to the Israelites and Palestinians. There were stories of an Alabama coach receiving death threats from his own fans after 3 consecutive loses to Auburn, a former Auburn coach stating "NOTHING is bigger than Auburn" (nothing? really?), and then, the all too famous Harvey Updyke.

That man LOVES him some Alabama football. On this documentary, he proudly showed his collection of over 50 Alabama hats. His children have been given Crimson Tide themed names. He stated that after the iron bowl last year he felt like someone had reached inside his chest and ripped his heart out (dramatic much?). And then, he was so incredibly angry at Auburn after that game that he decided his revenge would be aimed at 130 year old trees, accompanied by absolutely no remorse. Why did he do it? "There's just too much Bama in me." What?!?

So yes, he may in fact be crazy. But he is also extremely passionate, loyal, etc and head over heels in love with one certain thing. This analogy was brought up in church today. What if I loved Christ so much that people thought I was a little nutso? I mean, I'm not going to go and take up herbiciding but the Bible does say that Christians will be persecuted for their faith. If I really took a stand for Jesus would I lose relationships that I value? Would I put my education or future job at risk? Probably wouldn't be putting my life in jeopardy too much in good ole Mobile, AL/Bible belt territory, but that happens every day to Christians around the world. You bring up traveling I've done, college football, J Crew, Disney World, etc... I'll talk your ear off about any one of those worldly subjects and many more. But I wanna be the crazy kid that talks about Jesus all the time, because I should be blown away by how much he loves me. And what would my reasoning be for the craziness?

"There's just too much Jesus in me."

Love it!

my motel drama

Staying in hotels by myself has brought to memory my first (and only until now) lone hotel night, when I was interviewing for medical school at UAB. I remember driving in at night in awe of the skyline, and my hotel was located up on top of a hill where I'd have an awesome view of the city. I walked in, approached the front desk, and said, I'm checking in!

They immediately handed over a key and said you're in room XXX and your roommate is X. Come again? My WHAT?! At first I thought it was a joke, but after realizing they weren't laughing. I said, 'a roommate??' to which they replied 'yeah, you thought you'd have a room to yourself?" In the next few moments, my female brain did not disappoint, I had about 17 different thoughts going on at one time- how can I have a roommate, they didn't say anything about that on hotels.com?? what if this roommate is a grown man?? I was so looking forward to a night by myself to relax before tomorrow? I've already paid for this room so what can I do now? They can't MAKE me have a roommate, can they? My moments of despair was interrupted by

'you're with this group, aren't you?'

I look around to see a big group of adults, that looked like a mix between wannabe bikers and ex-inmates.

'No....' I replied to which another hotel worker said, yeah... I didn't think you looked the part. So I was then checked into my private room and it was not too bad. I feasted on a Sonic dinner and watched a Lifetime movie. Probably the only lifetime movie I've ever watched, and it was depressing. So maybe bad choice there... But fairly good stay. UNTIL... I woke up in the morning and there was no hot water coming out of the faucet. Called front desk, oh it was out. For the whole entire hotel. So I don't remember what exactly I did this morning to get ready, but I did not shower. I also was rejected at UAB. Coincidence? Maybe not....

interview extravaganza: week 1

So 8 days, 1150 miles, 6 beds, 5 cities, and 3 interviews later, I'm halfway through my big interview stretch. Have to say, I've having a BLAST. I'm staying in NICE hotels for free, eating at fancy restaurants (again, for free), and road tripping and traveling all around the east coast. I think the money I've spent on gas has probably been made up for by the amount of free food I have received. And it's been awesome. Not for the waistline though, after thanksgiving might have to start being better. Don't even really mind the interviewing. Peds people are pretty nice across the board, so mostly everything is laid back and friendly.

Things I've did last week

-Visited the beach!

-Went hiking in the mountains outside of Greenville. 4.4 miles, I felt pretty awesome. And it was beautiful!

-Went to Athens for the Auburn game (Not the most enjoyable game ever, but fun regardless).

-Drove hours upon hours... Probably close t0 20 hours so far? But that includes my detours (getting lost) and driving around for an extended amount of time in Charleston looking for a parking place (must be trained on how to parallel park and also to navigate busy downtown areas). I have never driven more than from Auburn and back to Mobile by myself but I've actually enjoyed road tripping it. Very surprised. I've got a sweet karaoke mix going of songs I could only belt out if I'm by myself, listening to Bossypants by Tina Fey on audio- Hilarious!, made some phone calls to friends and family, and then the getting lost keeps you entertained too. Also, the trees lining the interstate are absolutely gorgeous. Every different shade of yellow, orange, and red you can imagine.

-Visited with several people that graduated from USA, people have been very hospitable to let me come and stay a night or two!

-So far I've interviewed in Columbia, Charleston, and Greenville SC. Tomorrow is Augusta, GA and Charlotte and Wake forest are also this week.

I'm also realizing things I'm gonna miss. Family of course, and I've made some of my best friends these past 3.5 years, I can only hope we all end up at the same place (obviously not gonna happen, maybe the same area of the country?). And what a gift to be surrounded by Auburn people everywhere in Mobile. While I was in Greenville I got hopeful every time I saw orange, but of course it was always Clemson. I appreciate the football enthusiasm regardless though. But wherever I go, maybe I will be able to find an Auburn crew.

DID YOU KNOW...

In augusta, people in tiny houses can rent it out for a week to people coming in for the masters for 3 grand?!? And If you have a super fancy house you can get 40 grand?? For one week!! Noted.

Alive (Mary Magdalene)- Natalie Grant

Who but You
Could breathe and leave a trail of galaxies
And dream of me?

What kind of love
Is writing my story till the end
With Mercy's Pen?
Only You.

What kind of King
Would choose to wear a crown
that bleeds and scars
To win my heart.

What kind of Love
Tells me I'm the reson He can't stay
Inside the grave

You.
Is it You?
Standing here before my eyes
Every part of my heart cries.

Chorus:

Alive, Alive
Look what Mercy's overcome
Death has lost and Love has won!

Alive, Alive
Hallelujah risen Lord
The only one I fall before
I am His
because He is
Alive.

Who could speak

and send the demons back from where they came

with just one Name?

What other heart

would let itself be broken every time

until He healed mine?

You.

Only You

could turn my darkness into dawn;

running right into Your arms

Alive! Alive!

Look what Mercy’s overcome;

Death has lost and Love has won

Alive! Alive!

Hallelujah, Risen Lord,

the only One I fall before
I am His because He is...

Emmanuel, the promised King

the baby who made angels sing
Son of Man who walked with us,

healing, breathing in our dust
The author of all history,

the answer to all mysteries
The Lamb of God who rolled away,

the stone in front of every grave

well....

I've been kind of mad at God lately... and afraid to say that out loud to anyone not knowing if that was an acceptable thing to say. I've been bitter for having the same struggles that get me down over and over again, when I wish he didn't make me that way or atleast wish that he could change those things about me. Last night at dinner I was talking to a friend about it, and she reminded me that we're in a relationship with God. That means talking about the things that are bothering us. So I'm mad? Tell Him! Maybe it's ok to have an angry conversation with God (plug for the following book, angry conversations with God that I mayyyy have just bought!). And I did.... I've done a lot of praying today. Just about everything that's been weighing on me and why I don't understand it. I still don't have those answers but I know I need to be spending a lot more time reading my Bible and praying. This afternoon, I turned on the radio and the following four songs played in succession. I really listened to the words and couldn't help think God perfectly picked those songs for me to hear right then. If you wanna hear them too (they are excellent), click on the title to go to a youtube video.

Allelujah- The Museum

When hardship comes to prey on hopes
And troubles seem to linger on
When death rolls on taking ones we love
You are the hope that keeps us on

When all this seems the battles lost

And such disease is spreading on
When life grows dark and our lips are parched
You are the hope that we sing of

When death is past and sins are gone
Alas forgiveness here is won
All daughters and sons we will stand as one
We're safe at last in the Father's love

Alleluia, Thine the glory
Alleluia, Amen
Alleluia, Thine the glory
Revive us again

Lift me Up- The Afters

Waiting for the sunrise
Waiting for the day
Waiting for a sign
That I’m where you want me to be

You know my heart is heavy
And the hurt is deep
But when I feel like giving up
You’re reminding me
That we all fall down sometimes
But when I hit the ground

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

I know I’m not perfect
I know I make mistakes
I know that I have let you down
But you love me the same

And when I’m surrounded
When I lose my way
When I’m crying out and falling down
You are here

I can see the dawn is breaking
I am feeling overtaken with your love
I don’t know what I can offer
In this moment I surrender to your love

Suitcases- Dara Maclean

How can you move when they’re weighing you down
What can you do when you’re tied to the ground, yeah
You carry your burdens, heavy like gravity
Just let them go now, there’s freedom in release

You can’t run when you’re holding suitcases
It’s a new day throw away your mistakes and open up your heart
Lay down your guard, you don’t have to be afraid

Just breathe, your load can be lifted
There’s a better way when you know you’re forgiven
Open up your heart, lay down your guard
You don’t have to be afraid

Can you imagine what it’s like to be free
Well, send those bags packing, they’re not what you need
Abandon your troubles on the side of the street
Just let them go now, believe me

There’s nothing hold you back now, just run

Where I Belong- Building 429

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

Hi! Remember me? I've been pretty awful with this thing for awhile now. Maybe I'll try and be better. Update on life, just applied to 17 pediatric residency programs last week, got my first interview offer this AM, now just sitting back and waiting for more to see where I'll end up! It's scary, but also super exciting. Besides Austin, TX all of the places are in the southeast so hopefully I can keep from getting too far away. Right now I'm doing a month rotation in the pediatric ward which for the most part has been lovely. I just love the kiddies. I have 1.5 weeks there before I move onto something else.

One thing I've been convicted about recently is loving people. Totally not a new concept or a thing I've just realized I have a problem doing. Instead it was just shown to me in a new light. At community group a few weeks ago the topic of heaven was brought up. Something that really isn't talked about much at all, which is crazy. We don't know much about the details, but hello it's heaven! Perfection! All the troubles that we deal with now, gone. Worshipping Christ in person. Kind of scary to think about being in His presence? Read Revelation 4 and 5, one of my favorite parts of the Bible. So heaven=awesome. And as Christians we shall be there for eternity. Imagine eternity as a never ending line. And our life on Earth? One teeny tiny dot located on that line. So in a million billion years, think I'm going to look back and say, 'man. I'm glad I made a big deal out of the time that person hurt my feelings. Really glad I was passive aggressive and wouldn't talk to them, glad I made them feel like a bad person for what they did. Looking back on it, so worth it??' I'm thinking no... Instead what if in a million billion years I could say, hey you, I'm glad you are here with me in heaven! I really showed you the love of Christ in that situation by forgiving you and just loving you. And through that you you came to know him better or maybe even came to know him for the first time and then you did the same thing for others! I'm pretty sure I'm gonna be rejoicing with my friend standing next to me, not looking back on who did me wrong when I was on Earth. Or looking back on the other things I deem so important, like fitting into my lovely Limited dress that I bought 1 year ago but now am unable to wear, or the grades I made in med school, or how delicious pizza from Papa John's is (leading to problem of being unable to wear limited dress, but that's off subject), or how exciting it was to go to the national championship game, or which social events I did and did not get an invite to, etc. It just all pales in comparision to the relationships we form and being Christ to those around us and telling others about how awesome He is because that's the kind of thing that we will take with us forever. All I do is go through my day thinking me, me, me. If I sit back and think about it, it's frightening how selfish I am. It's human nature of course, but I really need Jesus' help to overcome that human nature and live like I'm called to live. Because, its waay obvious that I can't do it on my own.

For the past 3 weeks I have been studying for the 2nd part of my boards which I take next Saturday in Birmingham. It has been rough. Times where I am way burned out and can't answer another question. Bloodshot eyes from staring at the computer screen for hours on end. Vitamin D deficiency from never seeing the light of day. Sporadic bouts of depression from my severe lack of human contact. Today my fortune cookie said "Give yourself some rest, you need it." How perfect! But one good thing about all this studying is I get constant reminders of how amazing God is. In so many ways. Have you ever thought how does a heart keep beating for 70+ years? It never takes a break. If it does, you're in big trouble. In a moment's time I'm thinking about what I want to write and somehow that's conveyed as my fingers type it away. As scary as it is learning about pregnancy and embryologic development and the multitude of things that can go wrong, how amazing is it that the vast majority of babies turn out just perfect?? I just read a quote, what if you woke up tomorrow morning and only had the things you thanked God for yesterday? Eek! When's the last time I said, thanks for the hair on my head or taste buds or fingernails? It's quite mind boggling to think that people do not believe in God. I took a whole course in college on Cell biology. A cell. The basic unit of life. And we are made of a mere 100 trillion of them. Crrrazy. Ok back to the learning!