all you need is love

So I'm going to a girl's bible study and we just started on colossians, and I wanted to share something we talked about last night. Something that I need a lot of help with. LUV.

How are people suppose to know that we as Christians are different? John 13:34-35 tells us by loving others as He loved us. How did He love us? Unconditionally. Without limit. With an extreme love that is beyond our understanding. Imagine the following- you are completely innocent but wrongly accused of something someone else has done aaaand the penalty is death. You know EXACTLY who the real culprit is and you even have all the evidence you need to prove them guilty. Yet you say nothing. So far sounds like something I would never do but just wait.. Then you're getting ready to be put to death in front of a crowd of people. And there is that person. Pointing and laughing. Saying hateful things about you. Turning their back on you as you die. And you still say nothing, fully knowing that person may never understand or appreciate what you did for them, or feel any remorse or be sorry. What if it wasn't just one random person, but every single person you've ever loved? And that you thought loved you? We tend to focus on the physical pain of Christ dying on the cross and sure it was a horrifying death but can you imagine what kind of emotional pain that caused? Taking on the weight of the sins of the world, a world that is enemies of God? Even if we're Christians we've all been enemies of God at some point. We've all not loved him, even hated him (James 4:4). Can't be friends with the world and loving God at the same time. I'd say I'm pretty friendly with a lot of worldly things. Like BFF kind of friendly. And Jesus came and died for us who would at best constantly choose sin over Him (by the second), at worst would reject His name forever even doing all in their power to destroy Him and His people while on earth. In that moment, hanging on a cross, who has ever deserved to be more angry, more resentful, more frustrated, to just say I give up, yall ain't worth it! And now every time we sin to look back and say, hello? Do you so easily forget that I did this for you? And to point out every fault, every way we have hurt Him. Or to say, sorry. You lost your chance, that's it. Nope! He loves us regardless. We are in a constant state of being loved and there's nothing we can do or not do that could ever change that. It's a love we can't even fathom.

Last year I had dermabrasion done. It "smooths" the skin aka they sandpapered off the majority of my face. If you'd like to see something gross, I'll send you a picture of what I looked like after they did it. Scratch that, I'll just go ahead and swallow my pride and post a picture on here...

SICK. Lemme tell you, I would not do this again and I wouldn't have done it if I'd have known what it entailed. My face was so raw for the next week it hurt to touch, to shower, to do anything. And it took a lot longer after that before the skin was normal again. Too painful. What if this was God's outlook on us? Looking down at what our world has become and saying if I'd have only known that this was gonna be how things turned out, not worth it. All the pain, I wouldn't have done it if I'd known everyone would still be rejecting me. But he doesn't! If only one person would have been saved by Him coming and dying, that would not have stopped Him. It was never not worth it to Him.

So I John 3:10-11 says LOVE is how the world knows we are children of God. We love one another. Period. Not we love one another... as long as that person loves me in return! Or if they deserve it! Or if they aren't difficult and challenging to love! No way outta this one, no exit clause. Just love. And that is evidence to a watching world that there's something different, that our hearts have been changed. Love regardless because God loved me regardless! Ok so major problem... that's like incredibly hard. Incredibly unnatural for us humans. Colossians 1:11 says that we are being strengthened with ALL power so that we may have great endurance and patience. Endurance to not succumb, to stand firm in the midst of trials, to not give in to what is easy. And patience- "the bearing of annoyance, misfortune, or pain w/o complaint, loss of temper, or irritation"- self restraint, slowness in avenging wrongs, not seeking wrath or revenge, what we think is our rights. I've been hit hard with this patience thing a lot lately. Thanks Jesus! You know I need it bad! haha. When I want to snap back at someone, when I want to walk away from loving someone, when I want someone to know just what they'e done to me! (or atleast tell other people what someone has done to me for a little commiseration), I should stop in that moment. I must ask for patience. (sidenote: just had this image. Jesus, sitting around a table up in heaven with some bros, and saying, 'ugh you won't believe what that girl has done this time' and then everyone around would be like 'yeah, that girl is cray-cray, when's she gonna get her act together? why do you put up with that?'... yeah that doesn't happen. If we're with Christ our sins are forgiven and he sees us white as snow! righteous! (Col 1:22) And those that don't know Him, he's just waiting for them to come to Him and he'll be there with open arms). So God can bestow me with the ability to be patient, to love. We are empowered with the kind of love that Christ loved! Fav verse ever- Ephesians 3:20- his power is at work within us. We can love as he loved and forgive as he forgave. We can extend patience because we're forgiven much and loved much.

This is def convicting to me. I have failed at this time and time again and I will continue to fail at it time and time again. But I know that I'm a work in progress and that God will finish the work He's begun in me (Philippians 1:6). I tend to get overwhelmed by my sin and how far I feel like I have to go. But that's me being impatient again. God doesn't take us and in one second we're suddenly perfect. But I can look back on my life several months ago and see what He's done. And as long as I can continue to do that, as long as I'm moving in the right direction and growing in Him and taking his truths and applying them, then that is all he asks. I still have to convince myself that that's the truth...

shine like the stars

"Rejoice always, pray continually, giving thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I Thess 5:16-18

"Do everything without complaining or arguing." Phil 2:14-15

You know, some things in the bible are up for interpretation. Some things you really have to think about to understand. Not so much here. These verses are incredibly clear, no wiggle room. Rejoice ALWAYS?? Pray CONTINUALLY? Give thanks in ALL circumstances?? Do EVERYTHING without complaining? When I'm dealing with someone difficult, when I'm in a situation that really isn't fair, when I almost get in a wreck because of someone else's mistake, when my computer breaks, when I get sick, etc, etc. I'm suppose to say, "thank ya jesus!" Thank you for the infestation of bugs in my closet right now. Thank you for the sunburn that won't stop itching. Thank you for the 40 page article I have to read by Monday. Thank you for the tear in the back of my dress that my mother noticed at the very end of the day that might have given some people a show. Yeah, sounds funny, but every situation God has something to teach me. I just have to ask God to reveal to me whatever He's got and help me glorify Him through it. I haven't quite figured out the greater purpose of the sunburn, but I'll get it. And not only thanking and not complaining, but rejoicing! Ok, and those are the bad things. What about the things I take for granted? Thank you for my bed. Thank you for my Bible where I can read these verses. Thank you for my dinner. Thank you that I can go to sleep without worrying about my safety. Thank you when I wake up in the morning. Thank you for shampoo. for a toilet. for hot water. for a roof. for family. for friends. for clothes. for a car. for a church. And the list goes on and on and on and on. So blessed. I forget it a lot. The rest of phil 2:14-15 is pretty awesome. I wanna shineeee. I got a ways to go.

I'm captivated!

"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5

Every thought... man I have a lot of those. I'll start thinking about one thing and about 10 seconds later wonder how I got to what I'm thinking now. This taking captive my thoughts thing is really hard for me! I have a tendency to let Satan feed me his lies and once he's got a foothold he really goes for it. You know, somebody looks at me funny and soon I'm having a pity party because the world hates me. Ha, that's a slight exaggeration but its along those lines. Or If I feel someones wronged me and I start resenting them or thinking badly of them, I've taken the bait. And if we have these thoughts and we dwell on them, we are likely to act on them in a way that will not be so pretty (James 1:14-15). Today's thoughts are tomorrow's actions! What if I made the conscious effort as soon as a thought that is not Christ-like enters my mind that I'm going to stifle it? Satan's good. He knows my weaknesses, he knows my insecurities, he knows just the place to stick the knife in. But lucky for you and me we've got someone so much greater on our side. And the enemy is scared of His name. I like this version of the verse too: "We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ." How cool is that? Phil 4:8 gives us a pretty clear picture of what our thoughts are suppose to be. So solution! With every thought that comes to mind I need to say, "Ok liz, is what I'm thinking true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy?" HA yeah right. People would either think I had Parkinson's from how slow it would take me to speak or they'd think I was nutso as every few seconds I appeared deep in thought, mouthing the words of that verse. But this, and the entire rest of God's word helps give us an idea of what we should be thinking. So once we know God's thoughts, we can better separate them from Satan's (or ours, which may be one in the same a lot of the time). Sanctification! So when I start getting impatient in traffic, or I get annoyed with the person that made a rude comment, or I'm fearful of saying something about Jesus because I don't want to offend someone, etc... that's when I have to take responsibility of my thoughts. And say be gone!! Cast it out! Have a bible verse to recite at that time or maybe just start praying! God can purge us and cleanse our hearts of the messy things, but we've got to be willing for Him to do it. He can restore and heal us. I have to remember I'm not a victim of my thoughts. And also its good to know that these things I struggle with, the sins that seem so prevalent in my life, they are NOT me. It's a lie of the devil that I am an insecure person. The insecurity is a sin that's being lived out through my body. It's not like I want to be insecure! (Romans 7) And now that I have recognized this sin in my life, whenever I have a thought that is putting my security in something of this world and not in God (and that's a whole other story... I've got lots of those things) I can so "no siree girlfriend, your security is in Christ!" So no one and nothing is gonna take that away from me! And in time, it will get easier. If God and I start fighting this together, we're gonna beat it. It's not instant gratification, but this is the first step- taking our thoughts CAPTIVE and making them give up and obey!! How awesome that we have that power in Christ?

Patience- my nemesis

so i was just reading this psalm...

"how priceless is your unfailing love!

both high and low among men

find refuge in the shadow of your wings.

they feast on the abundance of your house;

you give them drink from your river of delights.

for with you is the fountain of life;

in your light we see light."

Its all quite lovely, but i got stuck on the verse "feast on the abundance of your house". someone once gave me the illustration that god has this magnificent feast for us but were on our hands and knees on the ground looking for crumbs that may have fallen underneath the table. Sounds pretty dumb right? But that's what we do! We sell god short, or we don't realize what he has to offer, or we think we're content with just the crumbs, or that it's all we deserve... for whatever reason we're missing out BIG TIME. Over Christmas break I talked to some Christian mentors about how I knew I was not walking with the lord anymore and that there were things I had not been willing to give up that I knew were just hedges in my walk. They said we hold onto things so tight sometimes and it's so hard to let go that God has to come in and pry our fingers open and just take whatever it is because we weren't willing to give it up on our own. But it's for our good and for his glory. He's shaping us and making us into the person he wants us to be, and I want to be just that. So some changes have come easier, others God had to do some prying. Serious prying. It hasn't been easy, but it's so incredibly clear that it was for my good. I've been able to fully focus on him with fewer distractions and it's been just awesome. I love my quiet time, before if I did it it was kind of out of habit or to check it off my list? I've prayed so much for god to remove certain sins from my life and he really has! Things I've been struggling with for who knows how long. All around fabulousness.

And now I'm having to pray for something I don't want at all-patience, which if you know me you know I'm terrible at! Waiting at a doctors office, traffic, people who talk slow, people who are slow in general, toaster ovens, commercials, etc. Well now I want to fix a certain situation and I want it fixed now! I guess it's just human nature to want to take care of everything on our own. But certain things in my life right now I can't do a thing about. Not that I havent tried and failed, probably even my efforts have made things worse. I just have to trust in gods timing with it, always keeping in mind that he works for the good of those that love him. So I can have this pretty picture in my head of how I want something to be, and it may look great, but it's not the picture god has in store. I'm still trying to hunt for the crumbs instead of loving Jesus with all my heart, focusing on him, not being strayed by the things of this world and enjoying the feast he has for me.

I don't know about you, but I love food. So this is a good illustration for me. Yum.

bad parents

2 most excellent songs

Chris Rice- Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)

Casting Crowns- Voice of Truth

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
You you'll never win

But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

well...

So it's been awhile. I'm about to finish my pediatrics rotations which I'm super bummed about but I'm going knowing I'll be back again soon... I have absolutely loved it and am 100% sold on peds. The residents are great, the attendings are great, I've learned a ton, and let's face it, kids are just WAY cooler than adults. I've become attached to one patient in particular, a 4 year old with ALL, acute lymphoblastic leukemia. She got diagnosed last summer and is in the hospital now with a fever. The other night she got transferred to the PICU which meant she wasn't on our service anymore (and the patient I got to take her place was a 17yo incarcerated female who was hallucinating... but that's a different story), so I went to see her and when I left she said, "bye elizabeth! I love you!" ahhhhh. she has my heart. So first, the kids are obviously ballin. Also, the residents are great. A lot of them (ok, basically all) are foreign so it's been cool to get to know people from different countries. Today was the birthday of the resident I am on call with. So since it was his birthday, he bought us all dinner. What? That's apparently the way they celebrate in Nepal haha. Another one of the residents brought britni and I cake for our birthday! And then everyone sang us happy birthday!! All of them are so nice and helpful, and so thankful for us helping them. I usually feel as a student that I'm more of a nuisance than anything, but they've made me feel like I'm an intricate part of the team. And the attendings... Some not so good, but most are awesome. Yesterday I got to do a bone marrow aspiration with my fav, which was amazing... I totally rocked it. I'm holding out for the chance to do a lumbar puncture too! So yeah, to sum it up, peds is the best. The kids make me smile. I don't wanna leave them, but I guess I gotta help out the crazies, the neurologically impaired, and the ones that need cutting on.